CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
