I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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