I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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