My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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