I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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