There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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