the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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