Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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