This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
