How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
