She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
