By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
