Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
