How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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