dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
