he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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