i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
