This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
worst night to have a conscience
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
