I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
