I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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