I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
