Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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