Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
