its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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