Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
