if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
