i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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