They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
