I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
