We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
