So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
