He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
