there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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