The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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