It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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