Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
