Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
