literally had 100 drinks last night.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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