There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
