Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
