but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
