How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
