so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
