Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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