It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
