Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
