I hate all girls vehemently.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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