i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
