theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
