Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
