This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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